New resolve

Do you ever feel like you have lots you want to write down and then when you actually have time to sit and write it, you are suddenly incapable of recalling those things? 

I have been thinking for the last few days that I wanted to write a blog post, but for the life of me, I suddenly can't remember what about. 

Maybe if I just start writing, it will come to me.

I was thinking this week about my love/hate relationship with Beijing at the moment. There are days when I think "I really love living here," and there are days when I would give ANYTHING to be back home in Utah. I've recently come to terms with the fact that we will likely be here for one more year. There are still lots of things to do and see in China that I have yet to experience and someday I know I will miss being here once we've moved back. My new resolve is to make the most of Asia while we are here, it's not going to last forever and I don't want to have regrets about things that I didn't do while we were here because in all likelihood, we will never come back here after next summer. So I want to be more excited about living here and to take advantage of the unique things we can do while we live here.

China has blessed our lives in a lot of ways, we've learned so much about what we are capable of and we've met lots of really wonderful people. Living here also gave me the chance to be a stay at mom, which was not possible for us in the situation we were in while living in Utah. We were both working full time but somehow we still seemed to only make enough to live paycheck to paycheck. I loved my job, but it was a long commute from home and I hated having to spend so much time away from my little boy. The summer after he was born and I went back to work, Joel was the one who was taking care of Will everyday since he was on his summer break. But I worried about when he would start teaching again, I had no idea who would watch Will and I didn't want to put him in daycare. I prayed and prayed that we would be able to find a way that I could stay at home and although it was not was I expecting, our prayers were answered when Joel was offered his job here. Not only are we able to save almost half of what we make each month, living here has taught us a lot about budgeting and how to do without certain things. And the best part is that I get to be at home with my little boy. It's not always an easy job, but I feel blessed to be able to be home with him instead of at work.

And because we live in Asia, Will and I can do things like spend the morning at the Forbidden City, just because that's where I felt like going. We may not have Target, but there are so many cool sights to see here and I need to remember how lucky we are that we get to experience all of this.

The Forbidden City from above

My sister Annie will be visiting with us in a few weeks and I am so excited to see Beijing through her eyes. She gets to stay for a little over three weeks and I am working on compiling our list of everything we are going to do and see while she is here. Her visa just came and now it's all official, everything is taken care of so that she can come for a visit. I am so excited that someone in my family will be able to see what our day to day lives are like and I'm hoping that my parents will get to come next spring (if everything works out so that we can stay another year). 

And, my happiest news is that spring is finally here! Beijing is an UGLY city in the winter. No snow, just dead and brown. Now there are leaves and cherry blossoms everywhere and it's finally starting to be warm. Spring in Beijing is my favorite and now that it's here, I'm hoping that those bad air days are mostly behind us.

This is the view from our window on a REALLY badly polluted day. See how gray everything is? That's not fog my friends but toxic air.

This is the same view today, when the air is clear.

Have a happy spring!

Late night breathing problems

I am deep in the midst of a pity party this week. Spring is finally here and the weather is warm, but we've been mostly stuck inside because the air has been so unhealthy. Today, it's 70 degrees out but Will and I only ventured out once (quickly!) in our pollution masks to buy groceries. It's absolutely miserable to not be able to go out and enjoy these warm days with our little boy.

We've always been pretty pollution conscious, but as of late we've doubled our efforts to limit exposure. Two Saturdays ago, we had a really nice warm day but the air was bad. We would normally wear masks with the level of pollution there was, but we were so determined to go and enjoy the warmth outside that we left them home. We were outside for far too long in the bad air and that night, Will woke up around midnight and couldn't breathe. The pollution had irritated his throat so much that his airways had swollen and he literally had to gasp for air. It was truly terrifying. Joel and I turned on the hot water in the shower and sat with our crying, gasping and wheezing toddler in the steam reading him books to try and help him to calm down. My wonderful mother had the foresight to give me an Albuterol inhaler to bring back even though I don't have asthma. I didn't even know if it was okay for a toddler to use it, but Joel and I gave him two puffs on it anyway. Almost immediately, his breathing eased and I've never felt so relieved! We moved his crib into our room so that we'd be able to hear if he had breathing problems again, and sure enough, at 6:00 am that morning, he was wheezing and gasping again. More steam and two more inhaler puffs later, he could breathe again. At the doctor visit on Monday, she told me that having that inhaler on hand had very likely saved us a trip to the emergency room. She also said that little children can be very susceptible to the irritants that are present in pollution, especially during cold season, when even a runny nose can cause a child to be hypersensitive and have a severe reaction like Will did. 

Looking back, it wasn't just the fact that Will was having a hard time breathing that was so scary. I didn't even know where the nearest international hospital to our apartment was, and even if I had, we don't have a car and so we would've had to go and try to find a taxi in the middle of the night and try to explain in our very limited Chinese where we needed to go. My mom and pediatrician were 6,000 miles away and I didn't know who to contact to ask for help or advice. We felt very alone and isolated.

To top off that exciting incident, the doctor that we went to prescribed a bronchodilater for Will to help keep his airways open. When I went home and looked up the medicine just out of curiosity, I read that it's not FDA approved for human use and that in the US, it can't even be used on animals that are going to be consumed by humans because it can have really major side effects even in small doses. So.... I didn't give it to him.

In other happenings, we have been trying to plan out what next year might have in store for us. We have been debating back and forth about whether to move home this summer or to stay here one more year. In the end, we've decided that we feel really good about staying here for one more year and we want to save a little more money before we move back and then Joel will apply to the grad program he's had his eye on at the University of Utah for the fall 2015 semester. But we are still waiting to hear from the Joel's job about whether or not they will renew Joel's contract for one more year. If they want him to stay, then that's great and we will happily live here for one more year. But, if they decide not to offer him another year, then we will go home and try to figure out what do for a year until Joel starts school. 

Trying to plan for the future can be stressful when most of it is out of your hands! 

Even though we don't know for certain whether we are returning, I just purchased round trip tickets home for July 6th - August 24th. It was a sad day for the bank account because we had to buy Will a real ticket instead of a lap ticket since he will be two years old, but I am SOOO looking forward to him having his very own seat.

Here are some of my favorite random Shegrud family photos from the past month:

Holding tight on the subway!

On our way to see Elder Holland speak at our church.

Chicken foot anyone?

It takes a lot of talent to tie down a load like this....

The ultimate Smart Car

Back to Beijing

Despite how nice it was to be home with our families and in America, it's nice be back in the good ol' Beijing. It's good to be back in our regular routine and be back in our apartment. Will especially missed all of his toys and was knee deep in them pretty much as soon as we walked through the door!

We had a really great holiday in the States and a super fabulous week in Mexico over the break.

Joel's awesome fish!

Will got lots of much needed cousin play time.

This beach bed was really fun until.....

It broke!

Our time in Utah with our families was especially nice. Because it was winter for this visit, we weren't as busy out doing things and were able to spend more time just playing at home with our loved ones.

The car was parked!!

Joel and I went to Rodizio's for our anniversary. Delicious!

Both of our families had presents for us and Will and so we were able to have a late Christmas. It was so nice!

We did a lot of flying this trip and thankfully each flight went really well. We are lucky that Will is happy to play by himself with his cars and stays content for most of the 11 hours on the plane.

When we made it back to Beijing, we hadn't realized that there would be a shortage of taxi's at the airport because we came back during the week of Chinese New Year and it had been snowing which means a lot of taxi drivers aren't out because they are afraid of driving in the snow. The waiting line for a taxi was SO long and it was freezing outside. Luckily, we found a nice guy who was doing some illegal taxi driving with his own car and he took us home so we didn't have to wait in the middle of the night and the freezing cold for a taxi to take us home. That was definitely a blessing!

Since we've been back, we've been pretty lucky to have mostly decent air quality and have been able to go outside most days. Yesterday was an especially nice day and Joel had a half day off work so we headed outdoors!

Will was so excited to be able to see clouds in the sky!

Hopefully we'll have more and more nice days as spring gets closer. I am getting antsy for warmer weather so we don't have to spend as much time inside!

{Insert witty Thanksgiving title here}

Earlier this week, when I was contemplating what I might write in my Thanksgiving post, I thought I would be writing about our cute little family dinner complete with whatever traditional dishes I could manage to make in China with my toaster oven and limited access to imported foods. I did not think I would be writing about cleaning up vomit and Indian take out. (Well, that's partially untrue. In the back of my mind I had thought about ordering out for Thanksgiving instead of cooking. Ideally, I had hoped to cook a semi-traditional meal but it ended up being just a lot of work for only the three of us.) Anyway, Wednesday was very nice, we had an impromptu Thanksgiving gathering with Joel's colleagues and we all had a really nice time. But then Wednesday night hit and Joel and I spent our sleep time cleaning up throw up from the various places that Will chucked throughout the night. On top of that, Joel had to work Thanksgiving because we don't get American holidays off. And so, instead of preparing Thanksgiving dishes, I was again cleaning up vomit. We ended up ordering delivery from Ganges, our very favorite Indian restaurant, and took a few minutes before putting Will to bed to decorate our "tree" that we bought last year from a Japanese store. That was probably the best part of my whole day.

 Despite the sick child and limited sleep the night before, it was a nice chance for me to reflect on the things that I am thankful for. At the very top of my list is my family and the fact that in just under a month, we'll get to go to the States for a short visit during Chinese New Year. I'm also grateful for the chance I have to work with the children in Primary at church. I think I tear up just about every Sunday when they sing their songs or give their talks or even just their comments sometimes get to me. I'm not a crier, really I'm not, but these kids and their sweet spirits just touch my heart every week. And despite my semi-frequent complaints, I am grateful to be in China. It's sometimes hard and it's not always fun, but I have learned so much and met so many wonderful people. Being here has changed me for the better and I'm glad for the opportunity to be here.

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Halloween parties, hair cuts and private English classes

October seems to have come and gone in an indistinguishable blur. I feel like it should still be September. But, here we are, and October is almost over. 

We had a super fun Halloween party last night with families from our church branch. The whole time we were there, I was super impressed with all of the ladies I have the pleasure of associating with here. Two or three women had the idea to put together a Halloween party for the kids and two weeks later, we a full-blown, well planned and well staffed Halloween party on our hands. The kids loved it and it felt nice to be doing something that was uniquely American. Using our good ol' Mormon ingenuity, we tracked down Halloween decorations in China and put together costumes for our kids. We did the best with what we had available and I think it was a smash hit! As we were all cleaning up, I had this feeling of unity with these other families - we are all trying to live our normal American-ish lives in this foreign country and we are a team. 

I have also started teaching a private English class on Saturday mornings to a group of eight year old Chinese kids. One of my favorite ladies that works with Joel at school asked if I would be interested in teaching this class to some kids. She was friends with their parents and knew that I had a background in education so she put us in contact. So far, I've taught two classes and I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I love it. I have missed teaching and missed the interaction and bond that comes as learning is going on. It is fulfilling for me. But, even though I have a teaching degree, I have very little experience in teaching English as a second language. All of my classroom experiences in the past have been with native English speakers. I am finding it hard to assess my students' English abilities in writing, speaking and understanding and I am struggling with knowing exactly where to begin. I have 6 kids for two hours (on a Saturday nonetheless!) and I have to keep them busy, entertained, engaged and learning all at the same time. I have no curriculum to guide me and relatively no experience teaching a language. It feels a little overwhelming right now but I'm hoping after a few more weeks, I'll find my groove and feel a little more comfortable. 

Oh um, I also chopped all my hair off. Yeah. I have a pixie cut. I just had a crazy urge to do it and I went to the salon and got it done. My stylist gave me my ponytail of cut hair to take home and it was a little repulsive. But, I'll be honest, it was probably three or four days before I could finally let go and throw it away! Some days I love the new hair and some days I find it annoying and I have moments where I think I look like a Vulcan. I'm glad for the change though and it's nice to have something different.

Will is officially 18 months old as of a week ago. He doesn't say a lot of words but he understands most of what we say to him. It's interesting to contrast his behavior and demeanor in America to his here in China. In America, he was more curious and brave and independent. Since we've been back in Beijing, I'm finding that he is very cautious again. It's almost a survival skill for him here. He stays much closer to us here because life is much crazier. There isn't as much space for him to run around in and everywhere is crowded with strangers who have an endless fascination with him. So it makes sense that he wants to stick close and isn't very interested in exploring. It's things like that that make me feel a little guilty about living here. At home in the States, we were in our element. And I think he picked up on that.

I had forgotten how cold our apartment was last winter before the heat came on. It's all coming back to me in vivid detail now! Beijing's state-provided heating starts up on November 15th and until then, you're on your own to keep your apartment warm. The state-provided radiator heating doesn't cost us anything, which is nice, but those radiators are only on for about four months. It's already cold outside but, we learned our lesson last year and were prepared for the onset of winter this year. We invested in a radiator of our own that we just plug in and it is HEAVENLY! We mostly only use it at night and we keep it in Will's room because at least Joel and I have each other to help keep warm (each other and our fabulous new IKEA winter bedding. Thank goodness for IKEA!). When I go to pick Will up out of his crib every morning, I feel like laying down on the warm floor in front of the radiator. This time last year, I would sneak into Will's freezing room after he was asleep and add two more blankets to his bedding (which he would inevitably kick off at some point during the night) and put mittens on his hands to keep his fingers warm. It was a little rough. But now we know better! 

We found this great park with awesome grass! Will gets excited every time he gets the opportunity to walk on that wonderful stuff so it was hard to get him to come off to play on Joel's skateboard, but we just had to get a picture.

mmmmm, mac and cheese......

From Utah to Beijing .... and then to Hong Kong and back!

Oh man, it is good to be back to blogging again. This summer was so hectic that I didn't even have time to think about posting let alone actually writing something.  

We had a fabulous summer holiday in the states. I felt like I did everything that I wanted to do plus some.  We managed to fit in boating, rock climbing, camping, hiking, swimming, trampoline jumping, biking, doctor/dentist visits, wave running, and eating at all of our favorite restaurants! It felt like the summer flew by in a wonderful whirlwind. Our families were so great about accommodating us this summer and helping us out and I loved being able to see them all the time. 

When it came time to fly back, Joel and I had bittersweet feelings. Of course we were sad to leave our families and hometown, but at the same time, we were excited to get back to Beijing and resume our regular day to day activities. I feel really grateful to have been able to spend almost 10 weeks at home but 10 weeks is a very long time to be on vacation and to be out of your regular routine. Goodbyes are always sad, but they were a little easier this time around, having already done it once before. 

The flight was pretty much a breeze. This time it was a night flight and Joel and I sat several rows apart which was actually a great idea. That way, whoever didn't have Will got a complete break because you weren't even sitting next to him. The night flight meant that Will pretty much slept most of it and we even caught a couple hours ourselves. We made it back to our musty apartment at about 1 am Beijing time and all crashed thankfully into our beds.The next morning, it was fun to watch Will rediscover his favorite toys that he hadn't played with in so long.

After just a few days, we had all of our stuff put away and everything cleaned after 6+ weeks of vacation. Beijing is such a dusty, dirty place and it was amazing what had accumulated in our absence! We were all over the jet lag in two weeks flat, which was awesome because it took Will at least three weeks when we went to the States before he was even close to being "back to normal."

The day after we landed, we found out that the school had to send us to Hong Kong to renew our visas there. We didn't really understand why we had to go and we were upset at first because we had just come back from a big trip. But, we quickly realized that we could make the most of our trip and it would be fun to go see somewhere new. We had a blast, we got to stay for four days and the school paid for our airfare and accommodations. We went to the beach, saw some sights and spent some good family time together. Our friend Jen calls Hong Kong "China-lite" because life there is a little more westernized. Most everyone spoke excellent English, the food was awesome and the city was so much cleaner than Beijing. (Our stroller wheels got a nice cleaning just from being pushed around the Hong Kong streets!) We got our visas renewed without any issue and we returned home. I'm glad we got to go even though the timing was not ideal because we probably wouldn't have ever gotten to go to Hong Kong if the school hadn't sent us there!

 

I've been thinking a lot about how different things are this time around versus where we were at one year ago. Last year at this time, we still had no idea where to buy groceries, we owned ZERO kitchen supplies, could speak no Chinese, and couldn't really get around the city. This year we are no longer in China survival mode and are really excited for what this year will hold. We are out of the transition phase and generally have life here figured out and are able to enjoy being here a lot more as a result. We really did miss our lives here, I missed our friends and I missed our church branch and I missed our apartment with all of our things and the constant, comforting hum of our air purifiers. I missed being able to walk everywhere (um, that might be because I gained something like 10 pounds just from being home. Darn you yummy, fattening American food!!) and having so many things to do near our apartment. Don't get me wrong though, there is definitely a long list of things that I miss about America. I miss our families and friends and I miss having a car to put my groceries into and driving them home. I miss our clean air and blue Utah skies and American washers and dryers. But, we are happy to be back in Beijing and we have settled right back into our lives here and are looking forward to the rest of this year.

Home Sweet Home

The title for this post is totally cheesy but it perfectly describes how I've been feeling since we landed in the beautiful USA last week. I was so focused on getting ready for the trip and on the 12 hour flight to Seattle that I hadn't really mentally prepared myself for all of the emotions that I would experience when I got here.

The night before Will and I flew out, Will barfed and it filled me with dread. It was 12 non-stop hours to Seattle followed by a 4 hour layover and then a 1.5 hour flight to Salt Lake. All I thought about all night long was how I was going to be stuck on a plane with a barfing, tired baby. We both started to get colds a few days prior to the trip as well so it seemed that the fates were completely against us! But it was far too late to make any changes to our plans. 

The morning of our departure, Joel and I ordered McDonald's breakfast to be delivered bright and early at 5:00 am. I was so nervous that I couldn't even finish my hashbrown (which is UNHEARD of, hashbrowns are my FAVORITE). We dragged our bags down to our waiting taxi and off we went. 

Luckily, Joel was able to come with us to the airport that morning. Our plan was to leave for the airport at 6:00 am and Joel would go with us all the way to the security checkpoint. Of course, nothing really ever goes as it's planned, and this trip was no different. At the entrance to the international terminal was a passport check. You had to show your passport to gain entrance to the terminal. Joel didn't bring his passport because he wasn't flying anywhere so we pretty much had to say good-bye at the door of the airport. I was completely crushed. Not only would I have to haul all of our baggage and Will by myself to the check in counter, but we had to say goodbye RIGHT NOW. We hugged and I was rushed through the terminal door by incoming passengers behind me. My tears flowed freely as I watched him turn around and walk away. This trip had not started out well.

I managed to get both of my checked bags, backpack, diaper bag and baby to the check in counter without any mishaps. A nice French man helped me heave the bags onto the conveyor belt so that I didn't have to do it by myself. I was feeling much better about my situation now that I was unencumbered by heavy baggage and I made it through the passport/visa check and security without any problems and got to our gate with an hour to spare before take off. I called Joel and Skyped with my Dad, and both conversations had a really calming effect on me. Excitement had begun to finally creep in but it was severely dampened by the looming beast that was our 12 hour flight. I couldn't focus on anything but surviving the coming day.

The flight itself was not quite as bad as I had been expecting. Twelve hours is beastly no matter how you look at it. Will threw up twice, though I managed to contain it both times, and he would eat nothing but packaged fruit purees that I had brought. I figured as long as he was eating something, I wouldn't be too picky about what it was. He even slept for two hours. 

Our flight attendants were polite, but not helpful at all. I had to take Will to the bathroom with me every time I had to go (which was super fun) and trying to eat a nasty airplane meal with a squirmy toddler on your lap was definitely tricky. We managed to survive the flight and made it in one piece to Seattle, where my sister was waiting for me after spending the night in the airport.

When I found Annie, she said she had a surprise for me. I closed my eyes and when I opened them, there was my mom running towards me. We all hugged and spent the next four hours playing with Will and chatting with a group of returning missionaries. The layover flew by quickly thanks to my wonderful mom and sister who spent the night at the airport so that they could meet me as soon as my flight landed. 

The jet lag with a toddler has been somewhat of a nightmare. He wasn't hungry during the day because of the time change so for three days, he hardly ate anything. I was freaking out. But, eventually, his body clock started to sync with Utah time and his healthy appetite is back and he's waking up less in the middle of the night. Just a few more days and we should be right on track. 

For the first few days, I was a total basket case of emotion. My family, the grocery store, the blue sky, the dryer, the grass and the sunset all made me cry. I'm just so happy to be here. I'm happy that my clothes aren't crunchy from being line dried and I'm happy that I can take Will outside without worrying about air quality. I'm happy that all of the food at the grocery store is safe to eat and that I can drink the tap water. I'm especially happy that I can see my family and Joel's family anytime I want and that I can watch them play with Will. 

We live in such a wonderful country. Despite it's problems and struggles, this is where I want to be and I'm so grateful for all of the blessings associated with living here. I cried all the way through the Star Spangled Banner when we sang it in church this morning out of gratitude and happiness. We should never forget how blessed we are! 

Having Joel so far away is the one thing that's not right about our so far wonderful holiday. It's hard to find a time that's good for both of us to chat. So we Skype for a few minutes before he goes to bed so that he can see Will. I miss him terribly and I want to wait to do all of the fun things we have planned until he gets here. So we're just hanging out and waiting for our family to be all together again. Three weeks didn't seem like that long when we were booking the tickets but now it seems a lot longer!

And, before I forget, here is a copy of Will's Sony commercial that we did. Our "agent" gave us this right before we left so it was perfect timing. I'm sure just about everyone we know has already seen it, but just in case:

Happy summer!!!